Unraveling the meaning of love: Exploring its depths beyond surface

I sometimes wonder what love truly is and how do we know if we are in love? Also does love mean the same thing to everyone? Is everyone’s definition of love same, but in that case everyone would love the same thing which is not the case in reality? So then what is love?

A few days ago I heard a guy claim that he loves a girl and then he went on to describe her beautiful blue eyes, it occurred to me that he loved her blue eyes and not her. So, does love mean loving someone because of their physical quality that makes them attractive? I thought.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all
the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. – Rumi

Then I recalled I had once read somewhere a love story that a girl wrote. The girl was a loner, an academic achiever and once had a crush on her classmate who used to praise her intellect and she loved listening to him as he praised her. But then came another guy who happened to be her new classmate and academic rival. He was good looking but she didn’t have feelings for him initially. But later came a time in her life when she saw him paying attention towards her and showing her kindness at times when she needed it the most. That is when she started to like him, the admiration turned into love and she too said that he had beautiful eyes.

But at first she never found his eyes beautiful as she found them after he supported her at her worst. So, did she like him because he too had beautiful eyes? Or did his eyes become beautiful to her because she loved him? Or did she simply love him because he supported her and was kind to her but then why did his eyes matter? Or did she just love the fact someone was kind to her? Also what about the first guy, why did the love for him fade away? Was it because he stopped praising or did she stop caring if he praised? Or did the other guy praise her better than the first one? Whatever the case but what did love mean to this girl?

And why do people love their friends? Is it because they are attractive or because they are kind or because people just want someone by their side because they are afraid of their own loneliness?

Then what about parental love, which is mostly based on the kid’s ability to keep the parents pleased and act as a good child, here the love is conditional; based on obedience.

But unlike parental love which is conditional, people love their pets too which they never expect to be obedient or to act a certain way to be loved? What makes people love their pets then?

And what about materialistic love, love for books, stuff, cars, stars, nature and all. Do people love stuff because they don’t want to be in love with something that can reject them or abandon them? Or is it because books, cars and luxury give people a sense of self, to make them see themselves as worthy? If so, then why do people love stars, nature? Is it because stars are far and unattainable and nature makes one feel closer to oneself?

But again what does love truly mean; physical attraction or praises or kindness or obedience?